


We Were Good

by bavarian_angel



Category: Formula 1 RPF, Motorsports RPF
Genre: Emotions, Goodbyes, Heartbreak, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-02
Updated: 2017-01-02
Packaged: 2018-09-14 07:21:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,648
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9167998
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bavarian_angel/pseuds/bavarian_angel
Summary: Jenson had to come here today, there was no other way for them.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [spreadthighs](https://archiveofourown.org/users/spreadthighs/gifts).



Jenson hesitated before getting out of the car. He could have actually walked over here from his own apartment, but he then he wouldn’t have had the chance to postpone this with a small short cut through France.

Checking himself in the glass door for a second, making sure his sunglasses were still in place and he looked presentable in a certain way, he walked into the lobby of the huge building. Obviously, the porter behind the desk was expecting him already, only nodding as Jenson made his way over to the elevators.

Looking over the rim of his sunglasses, he watched the red numbers slowly drop to 0 after he had managed to press the button. His fingers weren’t really shaking, but it definitely felt strange. Almost felt wrong being here today, but he wanted to be here, needed to be here and somehow Jenson was sure that he wasn’t the only one feeling like this.

His heartbeat slightly increased as the doors to the elevator opened with a faint ping and a woman stepped out. Her blonde hair made him checking her face twice, but the older lady didn’t even regard him with a single look.

For a moment, Jenson almost pressed a different number, a different floor and suddenly today would be changed. Instead of his planned visit it could end up as a casual meeting between former teammates, but there was a part of him who wasn’t even sure if Lewis would open the door for him. But of course, his mind and body knew where he needed to go.

Leaning against the back wall of the elevator, Jenson stared ahead of him, barely noticing the movement of going upwards. Despite everything, he couldn’t really grasp the fact that their journey had brought them here today. Pictures of long gone days appeared in his mind, but before his thoughts could completely leave him for the moment, the elevator stopped and the doors opened.

Jenson felt like a passenger to his own body. He wasn’t willingly moving, but only minutes later he found himself in front of a particular door. Taking a deep breath, his twitching fingers between ringing the door bell and removing his sunglasses, nothing was really happening for a moment.

And then everything happened too fast - the muffled tone of the bell was ringing in his ears and the glasses were shoved into the pocket of his jeans, the scratching sound a hint that they might have come too close to his keys. Jenson felt like running when he heard some coming up to the door and all too soon, he looked up at one of the most beautiful women he knew.

“Jenson! Hi!”

“Hello, Vivian...”

She pulled him into a short hug; never too close, but friendly all the way. When they both let go, she looked up at him and Jenson knew that there was so much more she wanted to say, but would never say it, not in this life anyway.

“Nico already said you were coming over...”

“I hope it’s not a bad time.”

“No, it’s okay,” she said, a small sad smile appearing on her face for a moment, before she turned around, “NICO! Jenson is here...”

The first thing that Jenson heard was a child’s laughter, followed by small running steps and finally Nico’s voice, talking in a language that Jenson had never managed to learn despite all the times that Nico had tried to teach him.

Looking over Vivian’s shoulder, he could see Alaïa in her red dress running along the corridor, Nico right behind her, scooping her up in his arms when his daughter had to stop before running against an open door. When Nico finally looked up, when their eyes actually met, Jenson could see that something changed. It wasn’t something bad, but definitely different.

It was obvious that it wasn’t easy for Nico to turn away. He pressed a kiss to Alaïa’s cheek before handing her over to Vivian. There seemed to be a whole silent conversation going on between them with Vivian just slightly nodding in the end.

Once again, she eyed Jenson for a single second. Finally she turned around, holding her daughter close before they disappeared into one of the many rooms, softly closing the door behind her.

They were left alone. And of all the sudden Jenson could hear the blood rushing through his system, his whole body almost shaking with every single heartbeat.

“Hey...”

“Hi...”

It didn’t feel strange. They both knew that it had to come to this and yet they were both reluctant to move, almost as if they could change things just by staying where they were.

“Come on in.”

After what felt like an eternity, Nico stepped aside, letting Jenson through. He didn’t need any directions from Nico. Jenson knew this place, maybe in certain ways better than his own apartment. Walking through the hallway to the living room, Jenson tried to ignore all those little bits and pieces reminding him, that this wasn’t his place, never would be.

As soon as he stepped through the door to the living room, his eyes got captured by the view over the sea - in certain ways similar to his own place, and yet so different. He could hear that Nico was looking for something in the kitchen before joining him.

When Jenson turned around, he saw that Nico had brought him a bottle of his favourite water. It was such a simple gesture, but it filled his chest with something he called love. Nico had gotten himself a glass of whiskey. He sat down on the huge couch, unable to look at Jenson. At first, the older man wondered if he should keep on standing or maybe sit in the chair on the other side of the table, but then he realized that it would be the last time anyway.

Fighting to keep a neutral expression on his face, he sat down next to Nico - a small gap between them, even though Jenson could feel that certain force of nature pulling him towards the German. And he was sure that it was just the same for Nico.

For a long while they just sat there, not saying a word and both nursing their drinks. Trying to distract himself, Jenson let his eyes wander through the living room, until his sight caught a silver reflection - Nico’s world championship trophy. It was just standing there, some other smaller trophies around it and yet it was the thing that made Jenson realize why he was here today.

Nico was finally world champion, had finally showed the world what he was made of - only to announce his retirement from Formula 1 a few days later to be completely there for his little family. It wasn’t so much about the retirement - after all, Jenson was in the exact same boat here - but all this was the final straw, the single sign that Nico had chosen this and that whatever they had in the past, would stay there forever.

“Thank you for coming here today...”

Nico’s words made Jenson shiver. He also had no idea what to answer. Right now, he just wanted to get up and flee, erasing this day and all that it stood for. The only thing that made him stop, was the sensation of Nico’s fingers on the back of his hand, drawing little pattern.

Nico’s fingers had always been so soft and somehow he just knew where Jenson needed to be touched, what Jenson needed in every single second of his life. He closed his eyes and let himself fall back as Nico’s fingers found their way up Jenson’s arm, leaving behind a trace of fire and goosebumps before resting on his neck, his thumb slowly stroking Jenson’s cheek.

“I hope you know that I will always love you, no matter what...”

Jenson could only nod. He knew that he wouldn’t be able to speak, after all he was fighting very hard not to cry in this moment. Instead he leaned in until his head met Nico’s shoulder and only a moment later they were clinging to each other, two men knowing that they were drowning and couldn’t do a thing about it.

Burying his nose in Nico’s neck, taking in this very special scent for one last time, before pressing his lips against the heated skin. He could feel Nico shivering and Jenson almost feared that he had crossed a line, but then Nico pulled him up into a real kiss, tasting of salt and bitterness, but also sweet and precious. Breaking apart, both panting heavily, they laid their foreheads against each other, breathing the same air while still holding each other close.

“Do you think... in another life, in another world... this could actually work? You and me, for the rest of our lives?”

“I’m sure of that. And Jenson?”

“Hmm?”

“I want you to know that I love you, will always love you despite everything. You mean the world to me and right now I feel like I’m dying a bit inside.”

“I know.”

“Really?”

“Yeah... In this life we just weren’t meant to be... and yet you will always be a part of me. I love you.”

Jenson pressed a last long kiss to Nico’s trembling lips before forcing himself to get up. Looking down, he could literally feel his heart breaking into a million pieces and he saw the same ache in Nico’s eyes. One last time, he let his hand wander through Nico’s soft hair, the younger man sighing heavily at the touch.

“Don’t forget me.”

“Never. We were good, right?”

“More than good...”

Nico’s voice was still on his mind, the words carving deep into his soul as Jenson turned around and walked away, closing the door to more than just a simple room with one man in it.

 


End file.
